


Lonely Moon

by fluffy2044



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, midnight sun au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:05:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15730926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffy2044/pseuds/fluffy2044
Summary: Yuuri doesn’t remember being diagnosed with xeroderma pigmentosum, all he knew was that the sunlight hurt him. As he grew so too did the reality of his condition and what it meant for him. It dictated what he could and could not do, where he could and could not go, and who he could and could not see.Victor Nikiforov couldn't fix the rules Yuuri lived his life by, but he could change them.





	Lonely Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I am not an expert on xeroderma pigmentosum and in my research each case was wildly different and ranges from mild to severe. Please excuse any mistakes. 
> 
> Also, no beta. It's do or die.

I've seen a tender fire in your eyes  
Yet when I'm gone you carry on  
I float in this emptiness  
'Til at last love returns  
With the night  
And the lonely Moon

        -Scottie Raskell

 

There are moments in life where you have to stop and try to think of the choices you made that made it possible for your life to be the way it currently is. Yuuri was currently trying to quickly decipher the choices that got him here; right here, right now.

He supposes waking up right after sunset, like usual, and walking down to get breakfast would have brought him here—but it has to go back farther—letting the Nishigori triplets consistently record his skating routines and training videos and put them up online was probably the real culprit—probably farther—his discovery of staking when he was a child that turned into love and a dream of becoming a professional skater—a bit farther—Yuuko showing him a video of a junior division skater from Russia with long hair that just owned the ice with his routines; those routines that made Yuuri want to skate on the same ice.

Victor Nikiforov. The reason Yuuri started skating, the reason Yuuri wanted to be a professional skater, he wanted to share the ice with him—before reality came crashing down around him—the reason he came to love the ice, which in turn made him create routines, even if he could only perform them for the people who lived in Hatsetsu, and people online thanks to the Lutz, Axel, & Loop.

Victor Nikiforov was the reason he was currently where he was in his life.

So in a sense Victor Nikiforov was responsible for Victor Nikiforov being in his family’s onsen, very naked, and proclaiming to Yuuri that he saw his skate online and he was now here to be his coach.

***

Yuuri doesn’t remember being diagnosed with xeroderma pigmentosum but as he grew so too did the reality of his condition and what it meant for him. Yu-topia had special windows installed along with black out curtains; he was safe inside his home, but nowhere else until the sun had completely set. He could only play outside after dark—which made it hard to make friends—he had to be home schooled—which made it harder to make friends.

If he did go outside in the sun or even have the sun shine of him from regular windows, his skin would burn quickly and severely. Yuuri only made that mistake once—he wanted desperately to be like the other kids—the pain from the burn was enough to teach him that there would never be any exceptions because he was not like the other kids and never would be.

He spent a lot of his childhood alone except for Yuuko. Her parents let the two of them skate at the Ice Castle well after dark. Yuuko made sure she got all her homework done early so she and Yuuri could spend as much time together as possible. That’s where Yuuri learned about Victor Nikiforov and when he decided he was going to be a professional skater. Soon Takeshi joined their skating group, though he couldn’t stay as long or as often as Yuuko could.

Mari did her best for Yuuri as well. She spent most of her spare time with her brother. They played games and created fun imaginary worlds together—Yuuri’s room was often turned into blanket forts—but eventually she had her life to lead too. Between her schooling, friends, and eventually romance, Yuuri found himself alone more and more. He didn’t blame Mari for it. He was a ‘moon child’, trapped by the sun's light, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Yuuri was 12 when he truly realized his dream to be a professional skater was just that, a dream. He tried talking to one of the local coaches and asked how he could start. All he wanted to do was skate; but the coach had looked at him with pity—everyone in Hatsetsu seemed to know about Yuuri’s condition—and firmly told him it would be impossible for him.

How could he travel? How could he compete when he couldn’t go outside during the day? He couldn’t feel the sun’s rays without being behind special glass. How was he going to do anything?

Yuuri didn’t have an answer to those questions. No one had answers to those questions.

He stopped staking after that.

To Yuuri it felt as if was trapped like some fairytale princess with the sun itself being the fire breathing dragon. While the dragon slept he could sneak out of the castle but if he wasn’t back before sunrise the dragon would find him and destroy him.

He hated it.

So he completely changed his sleep schedule. Yuuri was tired of seeing the sun that did nothing but mock him so he slept all day and woke up near sunset. He helped his parents with chores then did his own school work. Once everyone else had gone to bed he would sit on his computer.

His parents worried, as all parents do, that he was lonely and isolated—which he was—and that’s when he was gifted with a playful poodle puppy—a poodle just like Victor’s—that he promptly named Vicchan. 

Vicchan helped. Vicchan didn’t care if they didn’t go for walks during the day. Walks were walks. Yuuri would finish his school work and chores at Yu-topia then spend hours just wandering around Hatsetsu at night. He often stopped and spent time at Minako’s bar, though he was underage, everyone turned a blind eye to the ‘moon child’ since they assumed he was probably lonely. Then, come the wee hours of the morning he still spent time on his computer, often in various skating chat rooms.

Just because he stopped staking because of disappointment didn’t mean he stopped loving the sport.

Hanging out in a skating chat room was how he met Phichit.

The young skater from Thailand quickly became Yuuri’s friend. He would send videos of his skating to Yuuri and they would chat about the various skaters and who they thought would win gold at various competitions.

Phichit was quick to pick up on Yuuri’s love for Victor and tended to send him posters for birthdays and Christmas, which Phichit could often see hanging on his walls during video chats; he liked that his gifts were so well received despite Yuuri’s embarrassment.

Despite the distance, Phichit became Yuuri’s best friend (besides Yuuko) and the first person Yuuri ever told about his condition.

Phichit had asked if Yuuri skated since he was such a fan of it. Yuuri had told him he use to but he didn’t feel like it much anymore since he wasn’t able to do it for an competitions. When Phichit pressed Yuuri just told him it was due to personal reasons but eventually after knowing each other for nearly 2 years, Yuuri told him.

To Phichit it was the final piece of the puzzle as to why Yuuri was awake all night and was home schooled and didn’t talk about any other friends other than Yuuko and Takeshi. However it didn’t answer why he stopped skating. He was able to skate at Ice Castle after dark before so why didn’t he now?

Yuuri only told him that it made him miserable because it would never go farther than Ice Castle and he would never get to share the ice with the skaters he looked up to. The conversation ended with Phichit trying to console him as he cried his eyes out, holding onto Vicchan like his life depended on it, about the unfairness of it all.

Not three days later, Phichit had shown up at Yu-topia much to Yuuri’s surprise. He had looked Yuuri in the eye and told him that he was going to be the first Thai skater to win gold at the Grand Prix Final and even though Yuuri couldn’t share the ice with Victor—Yuuri did say there was other skaters he admired—he could share the ice with him and while it’s not exactly what he wanted, it was the best Phichit could do.

It would only be a couple points of separation, which was better than nothing. So after a lot of tears, Phichit and Yuuri both headed to the Ice Castle and for the first time in two years, Yuuri skated.

The years after that fell into a routine for Yuuri. He helped early evening at Yu-topia, then he did some school work, and finally spent the rest of the night at Ice Castle, or Minako’s bar, or wondering Hatsetu at night. He also helped Phichit with his routines and even made some routines of his own. He sent everything to Phichit. It was like they were rink mates, even if they were thousands of miles away from each other.

Eventually Phichit moved to Detroit and Yuuri would make sure to catch every single competition he was in; the triplets were born and Yuuko took over running Ice Castle, and graced Yuuri with a key of his very own. Yuuri graduated from an online college and at the age of 24, even if he was lonely and sad sometimes, was relatively content with his life.

He even made a bit of money from his skating routines being viewed online—all the triplets’ ideas of course, those three could take over the world—and he even made educational videos on how to preform step sequences and land jumps. He became an underground skating sensation, which was incredibly weird to him, but it gave him something to do and look forward to.

To his embarrassment, he often copied Victor’s routines when he couldn’t come up with any of his own.

Which the triplets decided to record…

And upload…

This brings us back to the beginning of the story.

Victor Nikiforov was very naked in his family’s onsen and saying he wanted to be Yuuri’s skating coach.

So Yuuri did the only thing he could do.

He ran.

***

Ever since he met Phichit, he has been Yuuri’s go to whenever something is wrong. Immediately after running from Victor and locking himself in his room, he picked up his phone and did the only thing he could.

Text Phichit for help.

 

 

Of course Phichit wouldn’t believe him. Who would? But maybe the whole thing was just a hallucination. If he went back to the onsen, maybe Victor would be gone and this was all some sort of imaginative sleep walking episode.

Yuuri cautiously crept down the hall and peaked into the common area and as luck would have it, he was not hallucinating because sleeping on the floor with his own dog was Victor-skating legend-Nikiforov. So he quickly forced himself to take a picture and then retreat into the safety of his room.

 

 

Yuuri quickly decided that the best thing for him at the moment is to avoid the conflict. So instead of hanging around Yu-topia for a while, he decided take Vicchan on an early walk and hide out at the Ice Castle. He quickly and quietly snagged a snack from the kitchen and headed for the door being careful not to call for Vicchan to loudly.

Vicchan came bounding over to him, tail wagging, but so too did Makkachin and it took all of Yuuri’s strength not to stop and pet the other poodle—there wasn’t time right now, he had to escape—as he quickly let Vicchan out the door with a whispered sorry to Makkachin as he closed the door firmly behind him and began to make a run for it, Vicchan following closely behind.

The next few days were the same.

Yuuri avoided Victor at all cost. It was relatively easy since he slept all day and was awake at night but it did make him feel a bit guilty. Victor was here because of him after all and while a part of him was excited about it—Victor was here BECAUSE of him, BECAUSE of a video of him—there was a part that hated that he was here.

Old feelings began creeping back into him. He had given up on skating professionally because it just wasn’t possible and having Victor here was just dragging it all back up. He loved skating. His videos proved that, but anything more than that just wasn’t possible and to believe it was, was just naive.

He was still trapped by the dragon and no Knight, no matter how many gold medals he had, could change that.

Yuuri should have known that he couldn’t hide from Victor forever, that sooner or later, he would pick up on Yuuri’s nightly routines. So it really should have come as no surprise to him when he was finishing up a routine he had be practicing—the triplets being his ecstatic tech coordinators, as always—and there happened to be an extra pair of hands clapping.

It only took Yuuri a second to zone in on Victor who was leaning on the barrier with a smile across his face. “Here I thought you were just lazy; sleeping all day the way you do. It took me a couple days to figure out that you sleep all day because you’re out all night.”

Yuuri shrugged and worried at the hem of his shirt. “Days don’t work for me.”

“We’ll have to change that a bit if I’m going to coach you, after all, competitions happen during the day.”

It took a lot of effort on Yuuri’s part not to come out and say ‘no shit. That’s sort of the problem’. Instead what came out was much politer. “I’m going to have to respectfully decline.”

Before Victor had a chance to respond he was bombarded by questions from three over eager skating otakus.

“How do you know Yuuri?”

“Is it because of our videos?”

“What’s the jump you had the most difficulty learning?”

“Will you let us record one of your skates?”

“Can we tweet that you’re here in our rink?”

“Are you really going to coach Yuuri?”

“Are you going to pull strings so he can compete?”

“Don’t you know Yuuri can’t~”

Before Yuuri could even start to panic about one of the girls accidently spilling his secret, Yuuko made herself known with a shout.

“GIRLS!” And to the triplets credit all three looked guilty as they looked at their mother, her face stern and her hands on her hips. “Remember what we talked about in regards to Yuuri?”

Once all three nodded, Yuuko smiled. “Now if Mr. Nikiforov doesn’t mind the questions, you have to give him time to answer after each one.”

The girls went back to asking questions and Yuuri took the opportunity to skate over to Yuuko who was waiting for him by the entrance to the rink and handed him his skate guards.

“You okay?” she asked quietly and when he nodded she continued. “So, Victor Nikiforov?”

“He just showed up, said he wanted to coach me after seeing the video of me skating his routine. I’ve sort of been avoiding him. I don’t know how to tell him. A part of me wishes the girls would have just taken care of it for me.”

“I’m sorry about them. They’re just excited to see him here.”

“I can understand. I had a fan-boy moment as well.”

“Ah yes. What was it? He was wet. And drippy.” Yuuko said with a grin staring at Yuuri.

Yuuri decided that hiding from the embarrassment in a supply closest was not the grown up thing to do…but it was tempting. “Phichit told you?”

“He was concerned. So he reached out.”

Yuuri groaned and hid his face in his hands and Yuuko just laughed at him. He was going to have to get revenge on Phichit somehow.

“But in all seriousness Yuuri. What are you going to do?”

“I have no idea. Victor is being pretty insistent on the whole coach thing but you and I both know it can’t work.”

“And why ever not?” Victor quickly interjected.

Yuuri did not jump with the sudden appearance of Victor…but it was a close thing. Instead he just stared at him like a deer in headlights. He didn’t know what to say; didn’t know what to tell him. He’s known for over 10 years what his reality was, what he could and could not do. Everyone in Hatsetsu knew but he couldn’t figure out a way to tell Victor ‘sorry. You came all this way for nothing. If I go out in the sun I could quite literally die’.

Even in his head it didn’t sound good.

So he froze.

Yuuko—bless her really—decided to take control of the conversation by declaring it was time for the girls to go to bed and with a bit of argument and assurance from Victor that we was staying in Hatsetsu for a bit, Yuuko and the girls left…which created a whole new problem. He was alone with Victor and he was going to have to push his little used social skills into high gear and hope he didn’t make a fool of himself.

“You didn’t answer me.” Victor said after the girls were gone. He had moved closer towards Yuuri, completely ignoring any social edict in regards to personal space.

“What was the question again?” Yuuri muttered trying to not obviously stare at Victor. He was much prettier than his posters and simply a lot to take it. Yuuri was grateful he was able to navigate conversations with Phichit, Yuuko, and Takeshi but anyone out of his immediate circle of friends…it was a hit and miss.

Isolation tended to do that; make every interaction seem like he was trying to navigate a field of landmines. One wrong move and boom. It didn’t help that Victor seemed to find more space to fit himself into as he once again moved even closer.

“Why would the coach thing not work out? I’ve seen you skate and frankly I’m disappointed I haven’t met you on the ice before now. You may have been able to wrestle some of my medals away from me.”

“Oh. Um…Skating professionally was never really in the cards for me. It’s just the way it is. The way it’s always been.”

“Why’s that?”

“I…never…wanted to be a skater. It’s just a hobby.” And that was a complete and utter lie and Yuuri knew it—shame on you Yuuri Katsuki—but it was easier to pretend to believe that.

“I think you’re lying. Someone who skates like you do; it’s obvious you want to be a skater”

“I’m the night shift at Yu-topia. I have responsibilities there.”

“I’m sure your parents would let you off the hook. After all you’re here almost every night already.”

“I don’t need a coach.”

“I bet I could change your mind.”

“I really doubt that.”

“As your coach I’m going to need to know everything about you. What do you like? Where do you go for fun? What’s your favorite food?”

“You’re serious about this?”

Victor just smiled. “Your skating is beautiful. You should share it with the world and not just the followers your videos have.”

Yuuri froze up again. This was a super huge colossally stupid idea. There was no way he could fulfill whatever idea Victor had for him…but…did it hurt anyone to pretend…at lease for a little while. There was talk in the skating world of Victor taking time off from skating to figure out where he wanted to go. So, it’s not like Yuuri would be wasting his time…right?

“Maybe…we just see what happens? I’m not agreeing or anything yet but maybe a probation period?”

“If that’s the only answer you can give me for now, I suppose it will do.” And finally he backed away out of Yuuri’s personal space, though not far, but far enough that Yuuri felt like he could breathe again. “We should do something tomorrow. So I can get to know my new student better.”

“It’ll have to be at night.”

“Why at night?”

“I told you, days don’t work for me.”

***

Some sort of weird friendship started after that. Yuuri still doesn’t quite understand how it happened. It just did. Victor was some sort of unmovable force and even when you think you managed to divert his attention, he just hits you from another angle.

Yuuri was not use to attention and Victor gave him a lot of attention.

But he would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. Before now it his circle of friends consisted on Yuuko, Takeshi, and Phichit. All three of them had lives to lead and while Yuuri would never doubt their love for him, they couldn’t always be around. Victor on the other hand made it his mission to be around Yuuri from the moment Yuuri woke up to the minute Victor inevitably fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.

They skated of course, usually in the early evening but afterwards they ended up talking and walking all around Hatsetsu, their poodles happily following. And just like Victor said, he wanted to know everything about Yuuri.

Yuuri indulged him the best he could—leaving out a few details of course—how could he not when Victor looked and acted like whatever Yuuri had to say was the more interesting thing in the world. It confused Yuuri; Phichit found it not only hilarious, but also very telling.

 

 

It did make Yuuri wonder why Victor came all the way to Hatsetsu. It seemed a long way to travel just to be a coach to someone he had never met and only seen through his skating videos—did he see something in those videos Yuuri wasn’t aware of?—but it was one of those fleeting thoughts that left almost as quickly as it came.

In truth he didn’t want to look too far into Victor’s motives. He was just happy his circle of friends expanded a bit. He was enjoying the time with Victor; his nights were filled with fun. Victor had choreographed a routine for him that Yuuri was working on perfecting—he would have perfected faster is Victor would let him work all night—but after a few hours of practice he would be dragged off the ice and onto whatever fun thing Victor had planned.

After Victor was satisfied that he had seen all of Hatsetsu and known about all of Yuuri’s favorite places, they moved onto other activities. They drank at Minako’s bar, though Yuuri was careful not to have too much. They had campfires on the beach, they walked along the beach, even waded out into the water a bit, and they would pick a different spot to sit and look at the stars and debate which spot was better.

For the first time in a very long time, Yuuri didn’t mind when the sun came up and he would have to hide away. He knew Victor would be waiting for him as soon as the sun went down even though Yuuri still hadn’t told him why he kept to this schedule.

It wasn’t until Victor had been in Hatsetsu for several weeks that Yuuri thought Phichit might had been right; that maybe Victor was here for another reason other than wanting to coach him. That thought still only happened after an unfortunate? Fortunate?...after an incident that the triplets just couldn’t leave alone.

It was the first time Yuuri had gone through the entire routine Victor made for him without any mistakes. Once Yuuri had finished, rather proud of himself, he had skated over to Victor, who promptly tackled him and surprise him with a kiss. They had fallen to the ice, Victor on top of Yuuri, smiling down and telling him what a great job he did, and Yuuri staring up at him in mild shock with a single thought going through his head; was Phichit right?

It wasn’t until Yuuri had heard and small “oops” that he was broken out of his shock. The triplets where off to the side looking both like the cat that got the canary, and also a bit guilty.

This gets Yuuri’s attention.

“Oops? What oops?” asks Yuuri as Victor helps him up.

“Nothing Yuuri!” the three said in union before fleeing from the rink.

“What do you think that was about?” Victor asks with a laugh. Yuuri is halfway through a shrug when he realizes just what Victor did. Or what they did…

Should he ask to clarify what the kiss meant? Or would a regular person just know? Did it mean anything or was it just friendly? Yuuri was so out of his depth at the moment he didn’t even give an excuse to Victor he just quickly skated over to his phone and contacted the one person who could help him through this.

 

 

Yuuri kept a close hold on his phone—hoping Phichit would offer up more advice—as he closed up Ice Castle. He was having a hard time looking Victor in the eye; he just wasn’t use to this kind of attention. It was a lot for him and it didn’t help that Victor wasn’t acting any differently.

Yuuri was already bad at picking up social cues but now Victor just wasn’t giving him any.

As they started their late night walk Yuuri slowly began working up the courage to ask Victor what it meant. Phichit had never lead Yuuri astray and so if Phichit said asking what the best thing to do, Yuuri would do it.

Yuuri stopped walking and worried at the hem of his shirt; it was now or never.

“Um…Victor?”  

“Yes Yuuri?” Victor had stopped walking as well, and now had his entire attention on Yuuri. With a deep breath, Yuuri took the plunge.

“Well…You…kissed me.”

“Yes.”

“It’s just, you know…You kissed me.”

“We’ve established that, yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, I wanted to.”

Yuuri sighed. This was harder than he anticipated. Why couldn’t he just say exactly what he needed to say; what he wanted to say?

“Oh. I think I understand.” Victor said moving closer to Yuuri. “You want to know if the reason I kissed you was just a friendly gesture or because I was looking for an easy way to make certain feelings know and if kissing you again is something I would very much like to do again. Is that right?”

“Yeah.”

Victor just nods and steps in closer to Yuuri again, effectively invading his personal space; though Yuuri didn’t mind so much anymore. “Just so we’re clear. It’s the later.”

And for the second time that night, Yuuri was stunned due to Victor kissing him. This time Yuuri was less surprised and simply enjoyed the feeling of having Victor close to him.

He decided he rather liked it.

“Is this okay?” Victor asks finally stepping away.

All Yuuri could do was nod.

Victor smiled and grabbed Yuuri’s hand and started walking again. It was nice. Really nice. Yuuri couldn’t keep the smile off his face as they continued their nightly walk. Not even the reality of the situation could wipe the smile from his face.

He still hadn’t told Victor the truth but he decided he would deal with that later. Right now he just wanted to have a simple walk hand in hand with the guy he liked and maybe get a good night kiss and pretend nothing else matter.

And that’s exactly what happened. Victor retired a few hours after midnight, giving Yuuri a good night kiss. Yuuri proceeded to his room and may or may not have done a small happy dance while talking with Phichit in hushed tones, no one witnessed it so no one could prove if he danced or not.

He finally went to bed without a care in the world.

It didn’t last long.

He hadn’t been asleep for more than 3 hours when his phone rang. Yuuri answered it even though he would have rather thrown it against the wall.

“h’llo?” Yuuri answered without looking. He did not expect Yuuko to be on the other line in a panic.

“Yuuri! Yuuri I am so sorry. I know you were sleeping but I just needed to apologize. I didn’t realize what the girls did last night and I’m sorry I didn’t catch it sooner—”

“Yuuko, what are you talking about?”

“The girls. They took a photo last night…”

Oh no.

“…and they uploaded it on accident…”

No no no.

“…But instead of doing the responsible thing and taking it down, especially because I know for a FACT they did not have your permission…”

Please god no.

“…they left it up and I’m so sorry Yuuri! I took it down as soon as I found out and while the original post with Ice Castle is no longer listed, the photo is still making the rounds.”

“The photo…it’s of me and Victor?”

“Yes.”

“…and we’re…”

“Kissing. Again, I am so sorry Yuuri! The girls are being grounded and Takeshi is collecting any and all electronics that can get to the internet.”

“…Yuuko?”

“Yes Yuuri?”

“I’m going to hang up the phone now and never leave my room again.”

Yuuri hung up the phone, buried his head under his pillow and blankets and figured this was a problem for future Yuuri to deal with.

***

Luckily for Yuuri, he slept right through the first onslaught of reporters who set up camp right outside Ice Castle. Now that the world seemed to know where Victor Nikiforov was, all they wanted was to know why he was in Hasetsu and of course, why he was kissing some nobody.

By the time Yuuri woke up that evening there was no stopping the gossip.

Of course someone knew about Yuuri’s skating videos and decided to inform everyone else in the world it seemed. Everyone had an opinion on who Yuuri was and why he only put up videos and wasn’t an actual skater. Some even went as far as leaving nasty comments, which Yuuri was only informed of second hand—it seemed banning the triplets form the internet wasn’t as easy as their parents assumed—for daring to copy Victor’s routine. His fans however were quick to defend him.

The loudest two were Sk8trM!nam! & tigerblades. They fired back at anyone who insulted Yuuri. Which considering it was the internet was rather impressive.

Regardless, Yuuri turned off his phone almost immediately after checking his messages. It just wasn’t worth dealing with anything more than that. He was actually contemplating just staying in his room all night. Why deal with the stress?

He should have known Victor would have other ideas.

Victor wouldn’t let Yuuri be a shut in any more than he already was—in truth Yuuri never wanted to be a shut in, he just didn’t have a choice in the matter—but instead of going to Ice Castle like most nights, they headed straight for their favorite spot on the beach and made use of the firepit.

But unlike the previous nights they had done this where Victor simply sat next to Yuuri, this time Victor brought a blanket—probably courtesy of his mom—and promptly wrapped it around the both of them, Victor’s arm settling around Yuuri’s shoulder.

And Yuuri was glad he didn’t stay in his room that night. This was worth it.

“You know,” Yuuri said after what seemed like hours of pleasant silence “I saw that you re-tweeted that photo of us.”

“Well, it was already out there and it was a good photo. No need for it to go to waste…how did you know about that anyway?”

Yuuri snorted. “Victor I’ve been following your twitter for years before you even knew I existed.”

“If you had let yourself become a competitive skater I could have met you years before now. Think of all the fun we could have had!”

That made Yuuri pause because it hit him again. They had been keeping to his schedule. Victor had been letting Yuuri keep to his normal sleep patterns while the coaching probation period had been going on.

Victor still didn’t know about Yuuri’s condition.

Victor still didn’t know that being Yuuri’s coach would be impossible.

“Hey Victor,” Yuuri started quietly. “About you coaching me—”

“Have you made a decision yet?” Victor asked sounding hopeful.

“N-not yet. But I wanted to know, will my answer change…this, whatever we are?”

“I don’t see why it would.”

Yuuri thought maybe now was the time. He could tell Victor the truth now and maybe nothing would change. He and Victor could just continue like this forever. But each time he opened his mouth to say something nothing came out because he knew that wasn’t how it worked.

Sure, Victor could try. He could stay and rework his life to match Yuuri’s and they could take walks and play with their dogs and be moon children together. But eventually, Victor would want to see and do more than what Hasetsu had to offer; what Yuuri had to offer and he would leave.

Or, Victor would be angry that Yuuri lied to him, lead him on. Let him think that Yuuri was seriously considering his offer only to find out Yuuri never could and he would leave right away.

Yuuri wasn’t sure which would happen. All he was certain of was that Victor would leave.

So he didn’t say anything, couldn’t bring himself too. What he wanted wasn’t possible.

Yuuri was still trapped despite everything.

So instead Yuuri let himself pretend, just for a little bit longer. He would tell Victor about XP, just not tonight.

Tonight, he just wanted to sit here, leaning against Victor under the blanket and watch the stars. And when Victor made mention that they should watch the sunrise together one of these days, he simply nodded and tried not to cry.

***

Yuri Plisetsky was…a lot.

Victor was a lot in regards to personal space and demands and energy. Yuri was loud and angry and most defiantly use to getting his way.

He had shown up two days after the photo incident. Apparently Victor had simply left Russia and no one knew where he was, not even his coach, until the photo was posted. Yuri had taken it upon himself to come retrieve Victor screaming about his promise to choreograph a skate just for him…which Victor had forgotten.

Yuuri had only panicked a little bit. He wasn’t ready for Victor to leave but he couldn’t make him stay and if he had an obligation to someone else, Yuuri wasn’t going to stand in the way of that.

Victor simply said that if Yuri wanted him to choreograph something he would simply have to stay is Hasetsu.

That was three days ago.

Yuri did stay, of course and made his displeasure about it know every moment Yuuri was within shouting distance. Yuuri had no idea why this boy was so angry at him, he didn’t make Victor leave Russia, he didn’t even know the kid. He knew of him of course—Yuuri was too immersed in the skating world not to be aware of him—but it seemed like Yuri was holding a grudge for some imaginary slight Yuuri had no idea how to fix.

Fortunately, Yuuri was able to avoid the boy simply by keeping to his own schedule most of the time.

Tonight, however he wasn’t so lucky.

“You are such a lazy piglet. Is sleeping all you do? I can see why you never managed to make it off your tiny rink.” Yuri nearly shouted the second he saw him.

Yuuri sighed and just kept walking. Victor had taken shots at him too in the beginning but his were more in jest instead of pure anger.

Victor defended Yuuri at every opportunity, constantly telling Yuri that he helped out around Yu-topia at night to make sure everything was ready to go for the next day. Yuri never listened of course; he just wanted an excuse to yell at Yuuri.

Escape was Yuuri’s one option. So he wandered outside to sit on the front steps, just for a moment’s peace. Apparently, Mari had done the same.

She sat on the steps, a lit cigarette in her hand, and smiled at Yuuri when he joined her. “It’s been a bit lively around here lately.”

“Seven minutes Mari.”

“Yuuri…”

“Every cigarette is another seven minutes off your life. It’s bad enough mom and dad will have to watch me die, don’t make them watch you too.”

Mari signed and put out her cigarette before smiling at Yuuri. “You are worse than the warning labels.”

“Tough love. I don’t want to outlive you.”

“You have gotten morbid in your old age.”

“Bite me.”

“I’ll leave that to your boyfriend…he is your boyfriend right?”

Yuuri shrugged. They hadn’t really had that conversation. What do you call a man who came all the way from Russia, becomes your coach for a probation period, hugs you, kisses you, and invades your personal space ever change he gets?

But then…they hadn’t had several conversations yet.

Yuuri kept telling himself just a little bit longer, he’d tell him soon he just needed more time.

“Maybe?” Yuuri asked truthfully. “He doesn’t know about me yet.”

“Well what about the blond Yuri? Why does he act like you personally spit in his soup?”

“I have no idea, other than I have Victor’s attention and Yuri wants Victor’s attention. I dunno.”

“Well having two Yuuri’s is going to be confusing. He’s getting a nickname.” She said getting up and ruffling Yuuri’s hair before shouting inside at Yuri. “Oi, Yuri, you will now be known as Yurio!”

A muffled shout back could be heard which made both Mari and Yuuri laugh.

“Tell you what Yuuri; you tell Victor about XP and I’ll quit smoking.”

“You should quit anyway.”

“And your boyfriend should know the truth about you. You have to give to get Yuuri. It works both ways.”

***

Some weird coexisting happened the following weeks. Somehow, without talking about it, both Yuuri and Yurio fell into a routine of sharing Victor. Victor’s afternoons were dedicated to creating a routine for Yurio. Yuuri still got the nights with Victor and they still did everything they had before but now they either had to deal with a grouchy—at least when it came to Yuuri—teen who seemed to tag along for no other reason than to annoy.

Yuuri didn’t mind too much. He imagined this is how Mari felt when he was younger and wanted nothing more than to hang out with his sister—though, he was pretty sure Mari would never put up with any back talk—and if it came to it, Victor and Yuuri were pretty good at ditching Yurio after their skating. Yuuko and the triplets were also great distractions.

He would admit that he did feel a bit guilty about it since Yurio came all this way to ask—more like demand—Victor to go back home and generally seemed to want his attention but Yuuri’s selfish part just wasn’t willing to part with Victor just yet.

It didn’t help that Mari kept giving him looks that equated to ‘tell him’ every time she caught Yuuri’s eyes.

Yuuri simply wasn’t ready. He liked being normal; even if it was only pretend.

Phichit kept insisting he tell Victor as well, arguing that Yuuri had told him and nothing bad happened. Yuuri didn’t argue back but he felt like it was completely different. Phichit didn’t live nearby; he didn’t have to live by Yuuri’s schedule to be able to enjoy Yuuri’s company.

Yuuko thankfully never said anything, but he could feel her eyes on him occasionally and she looked at him with sadness that spoke volumes. She knew all about Yuuri’s fears; she had lived through a lot of them coming true and she desperately wanted this to be different for him. So she said nothing and just hoped instead.

It had become so much of a mess—emotionally because of the lies—physically because he never wanted to be caught by the sun unexpectedly—and mentally because Yurio kept asking questions and he needed to give the same answers he had given Victor or the lies could unravel. However, Yurio seemed to sniff out that there was something off about Yuuri and kept pressing issues.

Yuuri was almost glad he would be seeing his doctor. He would get a night off and get to be…well not alone…but wouldn’t have to lie or make excuses; except he still had to make an excuse as to who the man was and why Yuuri wouldn’t be available that night.

And truthfully, maybe that would be the perfect opening. ‘Sorry Victor, I can’t skate tonight because I have my quarterly appointment with my doctor. Why do I have a doctor you ask? Oh because I have a disease that makes it impossible for me to go out in the sun. Surprise.’

Well, Yuuri wouldn’t tell him like that but he was truthfully thinking about explaining it all. Then his doctor could help answer anything Victor didn’t understand and maybe everything would be okay.  

But as he sat across from Victor, moments away from when he knew his doctor would arrive, he couldn’t get anything to come out of his mouth. He opened his mouth several times but not a single sound came out and when Victor asked if he was ready to go to Ice Castle; he panicked and told Victor he had forgotten that an old family friend was coming by and he wanted to catch up.

He lied instead of telling Victor the truth.

A part of him really hated himself for it.

“You and Yurio can go. I’m sure the girls would love to get more photos for their twitters.” Yuuri added quickly like he had planned for the conversation to go this way.

“You sure, Yuuri?”

“Of course. Who knows how long I’ll be. So you both go and if I get away early enough I’ll come join.”

“Let the piggy do what he wants Victor. It means you can spend more time coaching me.” Yurio practically screamed. “It’s obvious skating doesn’t mean the same thing to him as it does to us or else he would take the offer of you coaching him more seriously and wouldn’t slack off the way he does.”

Before Yuuri has a chance to say anything else, Mari walks into the room with a huff. “Hey Yurio, indoor voices—”

“Don’t call me Yurio!”

“—Also he’s here Yuuri.”

“Thanks Mari.” Yuuri said getting up. “I’ll see you later Victor. Don’t let Yurio push you around.”

“Why don’t you mind your own business loser!” Yurio snapped before Yuuri left.

***

Yuuri had not meant to fall asleep but after the night he had—his doctor coming to visit and taking up most of his evening, that was always stressful and then Yurio being…well Yurio—he supposed being exhausted was expected.

Except he was now in a bit of trouble.

He had come to Ice Castle to skate by himself and decided to sit on a bench for a bit but he ended up closing his eyes and the next thing he knew his phone alarm was going off…his 15 minute to sunrise alarm.

He looked towards the windows and sure enough the sky was beginning to turn pink and with it came the panic.

There was no way Yuuri could make it home now. He hurried into the men’s bathroom closest to the entrance—this wasn’t the first time he was stuck at ice castle and he doubted it would be the last—and changed out of his skates. He hopped up on the counter and settled against the wall. He would wait a few hours before he called Yuuko and she and Takeshi would help smuggle him into their office, which they choose based on the lack of windows once they took over, like they had done before.

As Yuuri sat there he let his mind wander. Mostly it settled on Victor. Everything had been going so well. They were having fun, more fun than Yuuri had had in a long time. The type of fun he only ever managed to have with Phichit and Yuuko before responsibilities got in thier way.

The walks, the skating, drinking at Minako’s, and the bonfires on the beach; they would be memories Yuuri would treasure forever. But just like the realization when he was 12…he knew this too was going to end.

Now that Yurio was here. Yurio, who wanted Victor to go back to Russia, who wanted Victor to make a program for him, probably wanted Victor to coach him…who deserved to have Victor coach him.

It was all going to end and everything would go back to the way it use to be.

And Yuuri would be okay. He had to be. Because nothing will change.

He didn’t realize he was crying until he caught his reflection in the mirror. He quickly wiped his face on the sleeve of his jacket—there wasn’t time for that now. He could cry after Victor left—and checked his phone, wondering if it was still too early to call Yuuko.

Yuuri heard before he saw Yurio.

Yurio kicked open the bathroom door and took two feet inside before pausing, his face immediately turning into a scowl.

“What are you doing here Piglet?”

Yuuri didn’t even have the energy to pretend to put up with him. “Skating. Got tired. Came to sit.”

“Well, I reserved the rink for the morning. I wanted to be ALONE.”

“There’s no one on the ice. You are free to be alone. I’m just going to stay here.”

Yurio practically growled. “I want you to leave. It’s bad enough Victor is wasting his time with someone who gave up before even trying, I don’t want to catch loser.”

Yuuri didn’t answer him, he just looked at his phone and decided to check on Phichit’s Instagram. If nothing else, he will have new photos of his hamsters.

With a frustrated grunt, Yurio threw his bag on the ground and grabbed Yuuri by the wrist, dragging him off the counter and towards the door.

It took Yuuri just a second too long to realize what Yurio was doing and by the time he started to struggle back the door was already open and they were half way out.

The pain on his hand surprised him. It never seemed possible for it to happen so fast but the second Yurio had dragged him out of the bathroom and into the sunlight streaming in through a window, he screamed. The only thing he was ever able to compare it to was when he had burned his hand on a pot of boiling water as a child, the difference being that instinct told you to drop the pot. In this instant there was nothing to drop. The burning just kept happening.

Yuuri pulled away from Yurio, who was stunned by the scream, violently enough that he knocked Yurio and himself down in his desperate effort to get away from the pain. He crawled and practically threw himself back through the bathroom doors. Once inside with the door shut he quickly turned on the faucet as cold as possible and placed his hand under it. He knew the water wouldn’t help, the damage was already done, but it soothed the burn.

He stood there, heavy sobs escaping as he tried to breathe, tried to calm down; tried to assess the damage.

Luckily, his coat had saved him. Only the top of his hand seemed burned. His face was flushed but that could have been from the pain, he couldn’t see any blisters forming.

Unfortunately he wasn’t alone for long.

“What the hell was that?”

Yuuri flinched away from the voice. He hadn’t realized that Yurio had followed him.

“Well? You gonna explain yourself loser?”

“Stay the hell away from me!” Yuuri shouted in response. “Go skate. You’ve done enough damage.”

They both stared at each other. Yurio, with a glare, and Yuuri, with grimaces from pain, until finally Yurio left.

Yuuri sighed in relief. That was one problem solved. There was a bunch others though…How was he going to keep Yurio from telling Victor what happened? How was he going keep his parents from finding out. They’ll want to call the doctor back just to make sure everything was all right.

But nothing was alright.

Because Yurio knew something was wrong with him. Maybe not what because what 15 year old knows about XP, but he knew something was off and he’d tell Victor and Victor will ask and find out and then leave.

And it would all go back to the way it was before.

Yuuri didn’t hear Yurio come back but suddenly his hand was ripped away from the cool water and a bag of ice was placed on top. Yurio held it over Yuuri’s hand looking extremely guilty and confused. Yuuri took the ice and held it on his hand himself before hoisting himself back onto the counter top.

Yurio fidgeted from foot to foot for a moment before getting up onto the countertop as well.

“It’s uh…obvious, that I messed up. But are you going to explain it to me or what?” Yurio asked in, not quite a soothing voice, but as close and Yuuri suspects Yurio could get.

With a large sigh, Yuuri did something he hadn’t done since Phichit; Tell someone about his condition.

“It’s called Xeroderma Pigmentosum or XP. In simple terms, I’m allergic to sunlight. You must have noticed that Yu-topia has weird windows right? Those are for me. I sleep during the day and stay up all night and if I go out into the sunlight I get severely burned.”

“That sounds…complicated.”

“You have no idea.”

“Does Victor know?”

Yuuri shook his head. “Nearly everyone in Hatsetsu knows. Truthfully, I’m surprised no one has told him but I guess, they think it’s my secret to tell.”

“Damn right it is!” And Yuuri tried hard not to flinch at the anger in Yurio’s voice. “He’s wasting his time here. You can’t skate. Not competitively. It’s wrong for you to pretend otherwise. I’m going to tell him and then we’re going to go back to Russia where he can choreograph a skate for my senior debut!”

“Yurio. Don’t. Please!”

“And why not? You’re lying to him.”

“I’m going to tell him. I just need more time.”

Yurio huffed and got off the counter and kicked his bag he had thrown down earlier. “More time for what? To pretend that you’re really going to become a competitive skater with Victor as your coach? It’s a lie and you’re wasting his time!”

Yuuri felt his lip quiver as he held back tears. He took and deep breath and swallowed back his pain. “I’m going to die, Yurio. My parents and my sister will have to bury me, statistically, they will outlive me. The oldest person known to have XP died at 46. Most die before their 20s. I’m already an anomaly due to all the precautions my parents took when I was a child. The man at Yu-topia last night; he’s my doctor. I can’t go to him easily so he comes to see me, every 3 months. He checks my skin for any new freckles or blemishes. If he finds any, chances are they’re skin cancer. Which means it will be the beginning of the end.”

“—but there’s treatments for cancers.”

“Sure, but my skin doesn’t have what it needs to protect it from the UV rays. Once it starts, it won’t stop. People don’t die from XP alone. It’s from the complications from being severely burned or skin cancer. So yeah. In a way, I’m lying to Victor and I do feel terrible about that…”

Yuuri took another deep breath and met Yurio’s gaze with his own. “But I need just a little bit more time, more time being someone more than my disease. So please. Let me have just a little bit more time with Victor. Then he’s all yours and he’ll help you take the skating world by storm and you’ll beat all of his records and…I’ll be here. Like always.”

“…Until you’re not.” Yurio said quietly.

“Yeah.” Yuuri agreed. “Until I’m not.”

They fell into silence as Yuuri took a peak at his hand. It defiantly wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but it still hurt. The ice helped but he was going to be feeling the burn for some time.

“D-did he find any? Your doctor?”

“Any what?”

“Freckles or something?”

“No. I’m fine,”

“I-I won’t tell. I promise.” Yurio muttered picking up his bag from the floor and heading for the door. “But you have to tell him soon. It’s not fair, lying to him.”

Yuuri snorted as Yurio left the bathroom. “Since when has life been fair?”

***

The days following the incident were both stressful and relatively calm. Yuuri’s parents did call his doctor to come look at his hand and he told the truth about what had happened…sorta. He told them he had just fallen asleep at Ice Castle and didn’t hear his first alarm and was taken by surprise. Which he was…he just left out Yurio’s part. While his parents may have tried to scold Yurio for being rash, he knew Mari may just have kicked his ass all the way back to Russia.

Victor asked what happened of course and he simply said he spilled some boiling water on himself and left it at that.

It was easier with the little white lie.

Even if it did make him feel terrible.

Yuuri wasn’t sure if Yurio was going to tell Victor, even though he promised not to, but he had been subdued in his attitude towards Yuuri. He still screamed at Victor and Mari and anyone else who called him Yurio, but never Yuuri. He even went so far as using Yuuri’s name instead of insults.

Yuuri noticed right away and knew exactly what it was all about.

Victor took a couple days but as soon as he noticed it he had to mention it. They were skating one evening at Ice castle and he simply announced how pleased he was that Yurio was learned to be nice to his fellow skater and when Yurio denied it, Victor straight up told him that he hadn’t insulted Yuuri in days and even went out of his way to help him.

Yuuri wished Victor hadn’t mentioned anything.

Yurio, in turn, simply frowned and stomped off in a huff.

Yuuri followed him, after giving him some time to calm down, and after being able to ditch Victor for a few moments. He found him sitting on a bench not too far away from Ice Castle.

“I didn’t realize…” Yurio muttered angrily.

Yuuri simply sighed at sat down next to him. “XP didn’t happen instantly when I was born you know. I burned easily at first so my parents simply thought I had sensitive skin. Sunscreen was enough to protect me then. It wasn’t until I was 4 or 5 that everything changed. One minute I was at school with my classmates and dreams of being a professional skater and the next…something in my body changed and I couldn’t be in daylight anymore.”

He glanced to Yurio to make sure he still had his attention and satisfied that he did, he continued. “My friends didn’t know what to say and they didn’t know how to act. I couldn’t do the same things they could anymore. It became awkward as they continued to live as they always had but slowly came to realize that I couldn’t. So, one by one, they left. They stopped coming by and life moved on.”

“Yuuko stayed.” Yurio muttered, “She says she knew you since you first started skating.”

“Yuuko stayed because she was strong enough to deal with my problems. Takeshi too. They found ways around it, but you’re still new to the idea. I’m not sure if you liked me in the first place, but now you know about my disease and in your mind, you know that insulting a sick person isn’t right. You feel guilty. You feel awkward because you don’t know where you stand. You don’t know how to act.”

“I don’t feel guilty.”

“Yes you do. It’s natural. You see my disease and not me. And you’ll either figure it out and see me for me again or you won’t and the first thing you think about when you see me is ‘he’s sick so I have to be nice to him’.”

“This feeling…it’s why you don’t want Victor to know yet right?”

“Everyone in Hatsetsu, except for a handful of people, look at me with pity; they look at me and see a sick boy. And sure I have a disease that makes my life a bit difficult but look at me Yurio, do I look sick to you?”

And Yurio did look and if he hadn’t known something was wrong with Yuuri then he never would have guess there was anything wrong. “Not…really?”

Yuuri smiled and stood, deciding to head back to the rink. “I’m not telling you what to do Yurio but I’m not going to suddenly drop dead, so you don’t have to feel awkward or guilty for how you want to treat me okay?”

He left Yurio sitting on the bench and headed back into Ice Castle and put his skates back on. He told the truth when Victor inquired about where he had gone. He had wanted to check on Yurio since he had been acting weird.

The two of them just skated in a loop around the rink, arms linked. It was rather serene in a way, with just the two of them. They hadn’t really been alone since Yurio showed up. Victor must have thought the same thing because it wasn’t long before he decided a kiss was in order.

Of course Yurio decided to come back right at that moment.

“Oi, Pervs! Do you really have to do that on the ice?!” Yurio screamed and slammed his fists against the rink barrier.

“I thought you left? Its adult time now.” whined Victor, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s shoulders.

Yuuri started laughing; partially at Victor, but more at Yurio and his angry face.

“And you!” screamed Yurio pointing at Yuuri. “Fuck you!”

“I thought you were getting along with Yuuri. Now you’re back to screaming at him? What did he do?” asked Victor, still keeping Yuuri held tight in his arms.

“He knows what he did!” was all Yurio said before running out of the rink.

It made Yuuri smile.

***

 

Phichit had always had a way of making Yuuri see reason. He knew he needed to tell Victor everything, should have told him everything so much sooner, but the longer he put it off the harder it was. But after everything, Yuuri decided it was finally time, besides, asking Yurio to keep a secret wasn’t fair.

He wasn’t sure if he was truly ready yet but his talk with Phichit also gave him courage and so he had decided that today was the day.

He hoped Phichit would be right and everything would be fine.

Yuuri waited until it was close to sunrise—he figured watching the sunrise with Victor would be a good way to ease into the topic—then slipped into Victor’s room, being cautious of Makkachin, and made his way over to the bed.

Before he could lose his nerve, he leaned down to kiss Victor awake. Which didn’t take much because within moments, Victor had his arms wrapped around Yuuri and was pulling him onto the bed.  

“Good morning to you to Yuuri. Or is it goodnight for you?”

“I thought you might want to watch the sun rise with me before I call it a night.”

“Or you could just stay here with me.”

“I thought you had wanted to watch a sunrise with me? You’ve said so before so come on lazy bones.”

Victor sat up and followed Yuuri out of the bedroom but stopped as Yuuri turned the wrong way.

“Aren’t we going to watch the sunrise?” Victor asked quietly.

“We are. We just can’t go outside.” Yuuri held his hand out to Victor. “I’ll explain everything.”

Victor nodded a bit confused and took Yuuri’s hand and followed him into Yuuri’s room. Yuuri gently moved Vicchan to the end of the bed and opened his black out curtains before settling down on the bed. Victor immediately sat next to him and cuddled in close. They hadn’t been seated for a minute before Makkachin came to join them which caused Vicchan to fully wake up and decide he wanted to be in Yuuri’s lap.

Eventually, after some maneuvering, the dogs had settled and the two of them sat on the bed looking at the window across the room.

Yuuri took a deep breath and took the plunge. “This is the only way I can see the sun.” He said quietly, petting Vicchan for comfort.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“I’m not…normal. I keep the hours I do because I have to, not because I want to.”

“…I still don’t understand Yuuri.”

“I lied to you…about the probation period to be my coach. I knew the answer from the very beginning but I thought, maybe…it would be okay. Just for a little while. For a little while I could pretend.”

“Yuuri—”

“The answer was always going to be no because it’s impossible for me to be a professional skater.”

“It’s not impossible—”

“Victor.”

“I’ve seen you skate!”

“Victor, please.”

“You could be better than me if you just tried. I don’t understand why you’re saying it’s impossible—”

“I have Xeroderma Pigmentosum!” Yuuri nearly yelled the name. He wasn’t sure what happened, but somehow the conversation just seemed to get away from him as he watched the sun slowly rise over the horizon from behind special windows.

He had forgotten how much he hated the sun.

“Xero…Xero-what? What is that?”

“Xeroderma Pigmentosum.” He said again, quieter this time. “XP. It’s a genetic disease which causes skin to be extremely sensitive to sunlight. So sensitive that even just a bit of sunlight can cause serious burns.”

“…and you, have that?”

“Yes.”

“And that burn you had? That was…?”

“From sunlight. Yes.”

Yuuri could see Victor start to put the pieces together and just hoped the momentary flashes of confusion and hurt on Victor’s face were just that; momentary.

“You never could have competed…” Victor said quietly, his eyes filling with tears.

“Victor?” Yuuri pressed gently, moving Vicchan from his lap and leaning over to push Victor’s bangs out of the way. “Are you crying?”

Victor immediately slapped Yuuri’s hand away. “What should I be doing? I’m angry.”

“Victor…”

“You lied to be. You didn’t trust me.”

Yuuri shook his head. “I’m sorry Victor…I just…didn’t know how.”

“I didn’t think Yuuri Katsuki could be this selfish.”

Yuuri gritted his teeth as he fought back his own tears. This wasn’t how he wanted this conversation to go. He just wanted things to be okay. He supposes he should have been honest from the start but it was nice for once to be looked at without pity; to be treated normal.

But it wasn’t real. It was just a fantasy that he had to wake up from and the truth was what it had always been. Yuuri wasn’t normal. He couldn’t go outside during the day, he couldn’t skate competitively, and nothing would ever change.

The dragon wins and Yuuri was destined to stay hidden away in Hasetsu.

“I’m sorry Victor.” Yuuri said quietly before getting up off the bed and leaving his room as quickly as he could. The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of Victor. He had burdened Victor enough.

He was thinking of where he could go to spend the day, out of the way from everyone, when he turned a corner and bumped into Yurio.

Yurio stared in shock and the tears Yuuri had so desperately been holding in started to fall.

“Yurio, sorry. I was just…” was all Yuuri managed to get out before his voice cracked trying to hold back a sob. Yurio still hadn’t moved. Yuuri cleared his throat best he could. “You’ll probably want to start packing. I doubt Victor will want to stay here much longer.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I told him. So the probation period is over. He’s no longer my coach and there are no more lies so…” Yuuri’s voice cracked again and he cautiously ducked around Yurio. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Yuuri made a split second decision and decided the best place to hide was with the one person he could always count on, besides his parents, no matter what. He knocked swiftly at Mari’s door and barley waited for a grunt which stood for ‘come in’ before he was opening the door, slipping inside and waiting by Mari’s bed to be acknowledged.

“Wha’s it Yuuri?”

“You have to stop smoking now. I told Victor.” Was all he managed to get out before more tears started to fall as he quickly covered his face to muffle his sobs.

Mari was instantly more conscious and had already wrapped her arms around her brother. “It’s all right.” She muttered as soothingly as she could. “We’ve dealt with this before. It’ll be okay.”

“I ruined everything.”

“No you didn’t. If he doesn’t understand it’s his fault. Now come on.” She said moving over to make room. “It’s way passed your bedtime and it’s still too early for me.”

Yuuri made himself comfortable next to her with a sniffle. “I’m 24. I don’t have a bedtime.”

“You’re my baby brother. You do as I say.”

And before Yuuri drifted off to sleep next to his sister he sent Phichit another text.

 

***

It didn’t take long for Yurio to figure out what had just happened. Obviously Victor didn’t take the truth about Yuuri well and while a part of him was glad that the charade was over, he didn’t want it to end with Yuuri and Victor being hurt.

Sure they were annoying and kissed way too often and maybe he had wanted Victor to come back to Russia but after staying here, he could see that Victor was happy. He could see that Yuuri was happy too, if his skating—which had become so different from the videos Yurio had first stumbled upon years ago—was anything to go by. And really, Victor didn’t need to be in Russia to help Yurio; and it wasn’t like it was a long flight if Yurio wanted to come here.

But now, those idiots were going to ruin it and if the tears on Yuuri’s face and the private messages on his own twitter from @phichitc—demanding to know what they had done to Yuuri—were anything to go by, Victor was the one ruining it.

He didn’t see Victor until well into the afternoon when he finally showed at Ice Castle and decided to simply ignore him. If Victor could work through the problem and fix it himself it was better for all involved.

To Yurio’s dismay, Victor decided to whine to him about the situation and ignoring Victor just became that much harder. Though he was able to tune out most of it and focus on his own skating.

“—and I know he could compete if he really tried. There has to be a way right? He could carry an umbrella of something and wear long sleeves. We could make it work.”

Yurio fell.

He had been in the middle of setting up for a simple jump but when he heard Victor, he lost all concentration and ended up on the ground instead. He wasn’t hurt but was still trying to process what Victor had just said.

“Are you alright Yurio?”

“Are you trying to kill him?!” Yurio shouted as he got up.

“Who?”

“Yuuri you idiot! You want to kill him over some stupid competition? He can’t go outside during the day. Period. He has Xero—Pigment whatever!”

“How do you know about that?”

“We…I…” Yurio looked guilty as he stated towards the barrier of the rink. “It was an accident. You should be glad he told you instead of finding out the way I did but maybe that’s why you’re being such a colossal idiot. He can’t skate anywhere but here!”

“He could—”

“No. Victor. He can’t!” Yurio shouted again. “Why don’t you do yourself and him a favor and educate yourself, then listen to what Yuuri tells you about what he can and can’t do. He’s the expert here, you know, since he’s suffered from the disease his whole life!”

Yurio quickly placed his skate guards on his blades and started stalking off to grab his bag and shoes. “Oh, and while you’re at it, check your private Twitter messages. If what Phichit Chulanont sent you is anything like what he sent me, he has some choice words for you, most of which are in Thai and I can’t pronounce, but I’m assuming they are very insulting.”   

He stalked off leaving a very stunned Victor in his wake. He was almost out of Ice Castle when he saw Yuuko and cringed when she waved and said thank you. Obviously she had heard him defending her friend. Yurio just hoped it wasn’t held against him; he would hate for them to expect him to be nice all the time.

***

“Hey loser.”

Yuuri sighed in frustration. He hadn’t slept well, worry and guilt keeping him awake, and he couldn’t find the courage to leave Mari’s room, so when the sun had finally set and the sky grew dark, it was his chance to escape. But he didn’t want to risk running into anyone so he opened Mari’s window and climbed out, careful not to close the window completely incase he needed a way back in, and quietly made his way out of the Yu-topia and towards the beach, sitting himself down and taking refuge with nothing but the waves making noise.

Yurio put a wrench into that plan. Really, Yuuri didn’t want to deal with anyone right now, but he especially didn’t have the strength for Yurio’s attitude.

“How did you know I was here?”

“I looked for the stench of lying loser and followed that.”

Yuuri was up and walking away before Yurio could react. “No offence Yurio but I’m really not in the mood.”

Yurio got up and quickly ran after him. “Hey, I was just kidding.” he muttered defensively, “I saw you run out of Yu-topia’s gates and I followed.”

“And what makes you think I’m in the mood for any sort of company?”

“Victor’s an idiot.” Yurio said firmly. “You should have said something sooner but he shouldn’t have acted like he did.”

Yuuri stopped walking and felt his tenseness loosen. “I messed up.”

Yurio shrugged. “I don’t think you did but I didn’t come out here for this, I came out here to ask for…help. Sort of.”

“Help with what?” Yuuri asked as he gestured to a bench and sat down.

“Victor’s decided to go back to skating—”

Yuuri wasn’t sure what he felt just then; wasn’t sure it was a good or bad feeling. It was merely a conglomerate of several different feeling hitting him all at once.

Happiness since he had always loved watching Victor skate; plus in his opinion, it was too soon for the skating world to lose him.

Sadness because it meant he was going to lose Victor.

Anger since Victor seemed too had just made the decision after finding out about how defective of a human Yuuri was.

And jealousy because no matter how much time he spent in Hasetsu, Victor could choose to leave any time he wanted; could leave and continue to do what he loved.

“—which means we’re going to be competing and if I have any hope to beat him I need to be better at things he’s not as great as, so I’m looking for some pointers.”

Yuuri pushed the feelings aside and decide to deal with all of it later. “Pointers about what?”

Yurio started kicking his legs back and forth on the bench, obviously a little embarrassed. “Your step sequences have always been good. Watching you was how I perfected my step sequences for the Junior GPF but now I’m going up against Victor Nikiforov and Christophe Giocometti and that damn JJ and I’m going to need everything in my arsenal.”

“…watching me?...Yurio? Did you know about me before Victor, because of my videos?”

“Yeah. What of it?”

“My videos help you with your Junior GPF skate?”

“I just said they did! Why are you being so stupid?!”

Yuuri smiled at Yurio. “I didn’t know they actually help someone competitively.”

Yurio felt himself blush slightly and looked away from Yuuri. “Then what was the point of posting them if you didn’t think they would help anyone?”

“It was the closest I could get to competitive skating and showing the world what I could do.”

“So? Will you give me some pointers?”

“Of course I’ll help you.”

“No. Not help. POINTERS. I don’t need help.”

Yuuri laughed. “Then I’ll give you pointers.”

“Thanks.” Yurio mumbled. “and I’m sure, Victor will pull his head out of his ass. So don’t worry too much.”

Despite the mumbling, Yuuri could tell that Yurio was being 100% sincere and while he couldn’t believe him, it did make him feel a bit better about everything.

***

Yurio wouldn’t admit he was wrong about Victor pulling his head out of his ass. Except, apparently, he was wrong. He just couldn’t fucking believe this.

It was all he could do not to scream because this was a fucking colossal mess.

Yuuri had kept his promise to give him pointers but anytime Victor was in the same vicinity he became quiet and would simply watch and wait. Yurio supposes he should count his blessings that Yuuri wasn’t avoiding him or Victor anymore—that had only lasted for a day and a half—but while he didn’t avoid Victor, Yuuri appeared to be waiting for some cue from Victor and Victor wasn’t giving up anything. He wasn’t talking to Yuuri and barley looked at Yuuri.

But if there was any way to fix it wasn’t happening now.

Because a couple days later Victor decided that it was time for them to leave, just like that, in the middle of the fucking day and Yurio wanted to scream. Now? He was content with leaving now? Right now?

So they had packed and were saying goodbye to the Katsukis and when Victor hesitated saying goodbye to Yuuri—someone, probably Mari, had woken him up—all he managed to say was ‘bye’ and left.

Yurio huffed and glanced back at Yuuri. “I’ll punch him in the arm later.”

Yuuri gave a little smile and shook his head. “It’s okay Yurio.”

No, it wasn’t okay in Yurio’s opinion. They spent weeks being sickenly cute and all of a sudden it just crumbles apart.

“Can I contact you? You know…If I need more pointers?”

That put of smile on Yuuri’s face. “Of course you can Yurio. I’ll give you pointers anytime.”

Yurio nodded and waved as he followed Victor, but he couldn’t help but notice how heartbroken Yuuri looked.

Now, hours later, sitting on a plane home, Yurio couldn’t hold back anymore. He had had enough.

“You are such a colossal ass.” Yurio hissed. “I can’t believe you just left.”

Victor barley looked at him and Yurio wanted to strangle him. “What is your problem? You were happy being all lovey dovey before. Are you acting like this because he didn’t tell you the truth sooner? Get over it. He had no obligation to tell you anything and if I knew you would act like this, I would have made sure Yuuri never told you.”

“…I could have killed him.” Victor muttered. “Trying to get him to compete…I would have killed him.”

“Is that what this is about? That loser is many things but he wouldn’t put himself in danger.”

“But I still would have suggested it…and I just…didn’t know.”

“Yeah, but now you do. So why didn’t you just apologize? He wasn’t mad. He kept waiting for you to say something while looking like a kicked puppy. It was disgusting to watch.”

“He could die.”

“What?”

“I looked up Xeroderma Pigmentosum—”

“How the hell can you pronounce it??”

“—and I read about it and all its complications and most people don’t make it to their 20s but Yuuri has and…he could die.”

“Holy shit…” was all Yurio could say because this was it. This was the problem. It was the same problem he had had when he first found out about Yuuri. It was hard not think about the diseases and at first it was all Yurio could think about. The only difference was Yuuri had been there to help him, talk to him, make him understand that he lived different because he had to, but that didn’t mean he was just going to keel over and die.

Victor had just decided to avoid it and run away.

“You’re such an idiot.” Yurio muttered. “And an ass. Yuuri isn’t going to just fall over dead. If he’s careful, he’ll be fine. You just did what all of Yuuri’s classmates and childhood friends did. You didn’t know how to react so you just left.”

Victor looked at Yurio confused. “I don’t understand.”

“You abandoned him because you didn’t think he was Yuuri anymore. You just see XP and you don’t know how to act and it’s hard to readjust so instead of being a mature adult, you just left. Yuuri told me, you’ll either figure it out and see him for him again or you won’t and the first thing you think about when you see him is how sick he is.”

“He could still die.”

“Yeah. He could. So could you though. This plane could go down right now, or you could fail a jump so bad that you break your neck or you could get hit by a bus. The only difference is, Yuuri knows what’s going to get him in the end and the fact that a 15 year old is scolding you on your love life is a new low for you Victor.”

Victor was quiet for a long time before speaking quietly. “I really acted awful, didn’t I?”

Yurio nodded. “The literal worst.”

“I just…I wanted to skate…but I couldn’t at Ice Castle. Because I kept seeing him and thinking about...I just wanted to skate.”

“Yeah. I bet Yuuri wishes he could skate other places to.”

It may have been a petty shot but Yurio did have a tendency to defend Yuuri at random times with the sharpest of insults. He didn’t pick the name tigerblades for nothing.

***

Things went back to normal.

Or at least what passes as normal in Yuuri’s life.

It took a couple days after Victor left for Yuuri to actually get Phichit on the phone. He had suspected that Phichit was dodging his inquires about any messages he may or may not have been sending to Victor.

However, Yurio ended up being Yuuri’s Russian spy and had informed him that Victor was still getting messages from the Thai skater.

“Phichit you need to stop.” Yuuri said sternly but quietly, while sitting on his bed after trying to convince Phichit to pick up the phone.

“Stop what Yuuri?”

“Stop private messaging Victor.”

“Oh, so I can publicly message him? I was worried about your privacy but if I can roast him in public then—”

“Phichit. Stop. Just stop.” Yuuri said angrily, causing silence on both ends of the call for several moments.

“…he hurt you.”

“I hurt him too. I lied to him for months.”

“Yeah, well. If his friend wants to come kick your ass I won’t try to protect you.”

Yuuri sighed. “No more angry messages, okay Phichit? Victor and I both made mistakes but it’s over now and things will go back to the way they were before.”

Phichit let out a large sigh. He knew bitching at Victor about his behaviour wasn't helping anyone but he couldn't do anything else to help his friend. “I promise Yuuri. No more messages.”

“Thank you.”

Silence fell over both of them again. It wasn’t unusual. In all the years they had known each other, sometimes the conversation just ended but neither would end the call. Yuuri found it comforting having the companionship even if they were both so far away from each other. After a while Yuuri felt his eyes start to burn and he let out a sniffle.

It seemed liked the cue Phichit was waiting for.

“Are you sad Yuuri?”

“…yes.”

And that’s how Yuuri spends the next hour; crying, while Phichit does his best to console him. Because it was okay now—Yuuri promised himself that he wouldn’t cry until Victor was gone.

Well, Victor was gone now and wasn’t coming back.

So he cried.

Then, the next evening he reset himself. Yuuri helped around Yu-topia then went to Ice Castle. Yuuko greeted him warmly and Takeshi threw an arm around his shoulders while telling him the latest news. Yuuri had to admit to himself that he had been pretty self absorbed and distracted, not paying attention to what was happening outside his own little sphere. Once he was caught up, he skated with only Axel, Lutz, and Loop as his audience.

They cheered like always and recorded the skate like always but Yuuri couldn’t help the twinge of pain when remembered that there were only three sets of hands clapping instead of four.

But it didn’t matter. Everything was the same as it was before.

Everything else outside of Hatsetsu changed but Yuuri was still there.

Like always.

***

Unlike previous years, Yuuri hadn’t watched any of the skating competitions leading up to the Grand Prix Final. He watched Phichit’s and Yurio’s skating of course, how could he not, but every time the camera panned towards Victor—which it seemed to do a lot—Yuuri always felt that twinge in his chest.

He was still sad and hurting and had decided early on to watch Victor’s skate at a later time, when it didn’t hurt so bad. But that later kept getting pushed out until finally it was the Grand Prix Final.

Yuuri knew he couldn’t miss it. Not with Phichit and Yurio (and Victor) making it to the final. So with Yuuko, Takeshi and the girls, plus Minako and Mari, he settled down with Vicchan in his lap in the comfort of Yu-topia and had a viewing party.

A small part of him couldn’t help but think that if things had been different, maybe everyone would have been watching him and cheering him on.

He squashed that thought as quickly as it had come. He knew better than to go down that train of thought. Nothing good came of it. So instead he focused on cheering for Phichit and Yurio…

And Victor.

In the end Victor won another gold medal, although Yurio was close to beating him, and Phichit came in fourth. Yuuri was surprised that he was able to sit through each skate—Victor’s skate—and not feel any pain. Maybe he was finally getting over it. The last of the changes were fading away with time and hopefully soon, it wouldn’t hurt any more.

He sent off a congratulatory text to both Phichit and Yurio (the later sending him a middle finger emoji) and began to help his parents clean up when he heard his name.

Yuuri looked around for the source of his name when he realized the entire room was quiet and it took him a moment to realize that the source of his name didn’t come from someone in the room. It came from the TV.

From Victor, who was apparently giving an interview.

Yuuri Froze.

“—I only won this gold medal because of Yuuri. My theme this year was love and it was because of him that I was able to perform the way I did, though he may not see it that way since I know I hurt him. I was selfish and scared and ran away.”

“and this Yuuri, is the one with the skating videos correct? The one you were photographed kissing?”

“Yes. I’ve wanted to apologize but I didn’t know how, so I tried to convey my feelings into my skating in hopes that he would see how much I love him.”

Yuuri’s world became static for moment, though it felt like an eternity. Victor said he wanted to apologize. Victor said he loved him. Victor said his skating this year was for him. HIM. Yuuri Katsuki. He mentally went thought Victor’s routines and yes. It did make sense. His skating had been for him.

Yuuri smiled.

“Yuuri? Earth to Yuuri?”

“Nah it’s no use. We lost him.”

“Well can you blame him for being happy? Victor Nikiforov said he loved him. I would be happy too!”

“Yuuko you’re married.”

“Oh please, if Victor said ‘I love you’ to Takeshi he would be excited as well.”

“She’s not wrong.”

Yuuri came back to himself and realized everyone was staring at him.

So he did the only thing he knew how to do when it came to situations involving Victor and embarrassment.

He ran.

***

Victor wasn’t sure what he was doing.

He was standing outside Yu-topia with Makkachin trying to convince himself that he won’t be skewered upon entry. His TV apology wasn’t enough, he knew that but Victor had hoped that Yuuri would have reached out to him.

However, when he didn’t, Victor decided to go to Hatsetsu—he told Yakov where he was going this time—and if it was his fate to be rejected, it would be no one’s fault but his own. At least he would have an answer.

It was still early enough at night that Yuuri wouldn’t have headed off to Ice Castle yet, but would he be happy to see Victor?

Only one way to find out.

Victor braced himself and went inside Yu-topia but instead of being greeted by Yuuri’s parents or better yet, Yuuri himself. He was greeted by Mari.

Who may or may not frighten him a bit.

“Oh. It’s you.” She said looking at him unimpressed. This in Victor’s opinion wasn’t very promising.

“Hello Mari.”

“I suppose you best come inside and make yourself comfortable.” She said beckoning him to follow.

Victor left his bag in the entryway and followed after her, Makkachin close on his heels.

“Do you want coffee? I’m not sure when they’ll be back.”

“Is Yuuri not here?”

Mari didn’t answer right away; instead she sat at one of the tables and gestured for Victor to sit as well.

Victor, becoming increasingly more worried, sat across from her and was immediately bombarded by Vicchan.

After petting Yuuri’s poodle and getting him and Makkachin to settle down he focused again on Mari.

“You didn’t answer. Where’s Yuuri?”

Mari remained quiet for a moment before sighing. “He’s at the hospital.”

“W-what? Why?”

When she didn’t answer again, Victor began to panic.

“Is he sick? How bad is it? Is he going to get better?”

She still didn’t give an answer and instead looked at the table.

Victor could feel his eyes start to prickle. “Mari, please. Tell me. He—I need to tell him that I’m sorry and what I did was wrong. I need to tell him that I love him. He needs to hear it in person. If he’s…if he’s sick…I need to see him and—”

“Mari! We’re Back.”

Wait.

Mari Smirked at Victor before shouting. “You’re back earlier than I thought you would be Yuuri.”

"I think after a couple days, they were ready to be rid of me. Apperantly, I get stressed out after being poked and proded by various specialist and stop being pleasant."

The moment Yuuri came into view Victor was up and immediately wrapped his arms around Yuuri, who in turn gave a little squeek of surprise and the tears Victor had been holding back began to fall and he pulled Yuuri even closer.

“V-victor.”

Victor pulled back from the hug, tears still falling, hands griping Yuuri’s shoulder and he looked for anything wrong. “Are you okay Yuuri?”

“Yes?”

“Mari said you were in the hospital but wouldn’t give me details. Are you sick? Were you burned again?”

“Victor. It’s okay. I’m fine. Please don’t cry. I’m at 100%. It was only a precaution, it’s happened before and nothing to worry about but—MARI did you tell him I was in the hospital without explaining?”

“Maybe.” Suddenly Mari was standing right next to Victor holding out a tissue. When he didn’t take it, Yuuri grabbed it looking ready to scold Mari. 

Instead Mari flicked the side of Victor’s head. “Don’t ever make my brother cry again.”

Victor gave a small nod as Yuuri took the tissue and wiped the tears from Victor’s face before grabbing his hand and leading him out the door, calling for the two poodles.

“I’m sorry Yuuri.” Victor said as soon as they were alone. “I didn’t…I acted…” He signed. “As Yurio would put it I was a colossal ass and an idiot. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t tell you that it was okay but I do understand it. Yurio told me what he knew right after you left. You were scared.”

“Still…”

“You looked it up and panicked. You thought of everything that could go wrong. You imaged all the worse case scenarios. Victor, I understand. I’ve seen this before. Your reaction is not new.”

“…I was an ass.”

“Yes. You were.”

Victor wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He didn’t know if Yuuri would forgive him but Yuuri was still holding his hand as they walked towards the beach, like nothing had happened and it was still the way it was all those months ago.

“But Victor. You came back. That’s more than a lot of people ever do. So thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. I don’t deserve it.”

“I saw your interview. Did you mean it? What you said?”

Victor smiles and nods. “Every word.”

“Then, I forgive you.” Yuuri says and gives Victor a smile before leaning in to kiss him. “And I love you to.”

***

They ended up at Ice Castle just skating in circles and making up for lost time. Victor told Yuuri everything that happened while he was away. How Yurio complained that he had to be the responsible adult because Victor wouldn’t and how Victor came to decide what his theme was going to be and how he was going to try and apologize the best way he knew how.

“Yurio scolded me something fierce, saying that you’re the expert when it comes to what you can and can’t do. I know he was right but I never will ever admit it to his face. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Yuuri laughed. “Well he could only give you that advice with I told him how others had reacted to learning about me.”

“I half expect him to show up to make sure I fixed us.”

They made another loop around the rink, still holding hands.

“So what will you do now?” Yuuri asked.

“Well. I think I got another year of skating in me. Then I think I’ll become a coach, for real this time. No probation periods.”

“Going for that 7th Gold Medal are you?”

“Definitely, I’m not done yet. But I was thinking...maybe, I could train here?”

“In Hatsetsu?”

“I like it here. I think I would like to be a coach here as well. Besides, the company is exceptional.”

Yuuri felt a flush come to his face. “I’d like it, if you stayed.”

Victor stopped skating and held both of Yuuri’s hands in his own.

“Then I’ll stay.” He said pulling Yuuri in for another kiss.

There are a lot moments in life, a lot of them. Hundreds; thousands even, where the choices you happen to make, made it possible for your life to be the way it currently is. Yuuri was glad for every single one of them—sad and happy moments alike—if it meant he got to be here with Victor.

Nothing was perfect. He was still limited—trapped by that damn dragon—but it didn’t matter so much anymore. Yuuri’s world expanded just a bit and it was enough.

***

Not even a full day later, Yurio showed up at Yu-topia demanding to be coached by Yuuri since Victor had no intention of retiring yet.


End file.
